How to assess if someone is compatible with you based on reading their profile
I’ve rarely met anyone who is capable of reserving judgement about someone they meet until they have truly got to know them. It seems that all of us do have a tendency to form an opinion about others almost instantaneously on meeting them. Read any psychology books and the experts say we form this opinion in a couple of seconds! That’s a bit scary when we think about it – especially in relation to ourselves, because of course we know that we are more complex than we appear at first, and that to truly get to know us takes a good deal of time. It’s no different with profile compatability.
And I was talking there about meeting someone face to face. Now go one step further back and assess someone from a profile about them and there’s a very high chance you won’t make the right judgement about them if you base it purely on what you read. So what’s to be done then, if you are trying to decide whether to contact someone or not, and the only thing available to you is their profile?
Now if you’re read our Top Tips book, or some of our emails about this subject, you’ll be familiar with me suggesting you don’t judge people by their profile. It’s all very well me saying this but I suspect, faced with a profile in front of you, it’s almost impossible for you not to form an opinion about it.
In fact I know this to be the case, since we talk to hundreds of members who say that they haven’t contacted the majority of the people whose profiles we’ve sent them, because they don’t think they are compatible or suitable. Now we know from talking to them, that some of the people we’ve sent them may well be compatible, but just one (often minor) thing in their profile has put them off.
So beyond reminding yourself every time you read a profile not to judge that person based on their profile (which I know is hard to remember each time) here’s another couple of suggestions for you, that I give you in your best interests to find someone special.
Firstly, as you’ll have probably heard me say before, commit to contacting everyone we send you. If you decide to do this by telephone – and dedicate some time each week to doing it – it really wouldn’t take that long. You get a huge amount of information about someone when you talk to them over the phone. You hear their tone of voice – is it soft or hard, kind and gentle? You find out how good they are at listening to you – or whether they do most of the talking. You’ll get an impression about them that probably won’t have come across in their profile.
Commit to contact everyone we send you
Now if this person you’ve called was someone you didn’t rate highly from reading their profile, then once you’ve spoken to them, you may well feel differently. And here’s how to know whether you do or not.
Determine to read each profile and ‘mark’ it on a scale of say 1 – 10 based on how much you like the sound of that person. Then call them and after the conversation, give that person another score say 1- 10 based on how much you like them after talking to them. Now if you call 10 people and the score is ALWAYS the same I’ll be very surprised. It’s more likely that the score after talking to them will be higher or lower than your original score.
And if that’s the case then you’ll have the evidence in front of you that your initial assessment of someone based on their profile isn’t the correct assessment. And that information is critical because it may just change your behaviour for the future – and that change in behaviour may well lead to your meeting someone whose profile didn’t necessarily attract you in the first place.
You can do this exercise again if and when you actually meet someone – because of course you’ll get another different impression of them when you actually meet them – and again if you use the scoring system I’ve suggested, you may well be surprised at how different your scores for the same person can be.
If you’re reading this disagreeing with everything I’m saying (and thinking that you do in fact judge profiles well – and that the people we’ve sent you to date really have been unsuitable (based on just your reading of them) then let me just remind you that, of the hundreds of people that have got married through us, most of them didn’t have ‘compatible’ profiles when they originally read them. Most often there was something in the profile that put one party off – whether that was distance (very common), interests, occupation, marital status, having a car to travel in, smoking or some other factor. You only have to read the stories of the couples on our websites to realize the truth in this.
Hundreds of seemingly incompatible people have got married though us
And although you may think you are different and unique (which of course you are!) so too are all the people who’ve got married through us. They are all unique and different, each with their very own set of circumstances.
I say all this because I absolutely know members have missed great possibilities for relationships by judging people’s profiles negatively – and I’d hate this to happen to you as well. Don’t waste what we send you – find out for yourself if your initial impressions are correct – and properly make the most of your membership.
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