How do I get over my ex?
Let’s be honest, getting over an ex can be hard, especially when it was not even your decision to break up in the first place. During this period, you usually find yourself confronted by a wave of emotions – sadness, anger, disappointment and confusion, you feel very lost and due to the rejection, your self-confidence can take a plummet. Ultimately, getting over a break up takes time, so here are 8 tips to help you to begin to move on…
- Remove the Rose-tinted glasses. It’s very easy in a break up to reminisce about your ex and your relationship you had with them. You tend to only focus on the happy moments you shared, and you begin to idealise the time you spent with them. It is also important however to take a look at the relationship as a whole and remind yourself of the negative parts too, the times you felt frustrated, unheard and let down with your significant other’s actions. If you find yourself continuing to idealise your relationship, one online article suggests that it could be a good idea to write down your partners negative attributes to help you realise and continue to reinforce the fact that your relationship is not as perfect as you make yourself think.
- Don’t fret over what you could, should or would have done. It’s really common when reflecting on your past relationship to constantly think about what you could have done differently, and how things could have turned out. This constant looping of past events however is not healthy, and can lead you too just feeling more upset and annoyed about things you are unable to change. So, focus on yourself, use this time as an opportunity to grow and improve. Find the parts you love about yourself (if you’re having trouble look to your family and friends who will have no problem finding parts of you they are crazy in love with), and now you have the time, what parts of yourself you want to work on and explore further.
- Become comfortable around yourself. It is important to remind yourself that you do not need to be in a relationship in order to by happy. Being in a relationship shouldn’t define who you are. Use this time to work out what (not who) makes you the happiest and focus on trying to reach that. Your self-worth is not dependant on someone, particularly somebody who is not right for you and doesn’t appreciate you – you deserve better than that!
- Reconnect with family and friends. Being in a relationship can be time consuming, and can lead to you to not being able to see your friends and family as much as you would like. Being around people who love and appreciate you is really good for building back your confidence and self-esteem, and combatting feelings of rejection and loneliness. So, try and surround yourself with people who make you feel happy and who can be a much-needed distraction. Friends and family can also be really good to talk with about your breakup and are great to rely on particularly when you’re trying to re-build your self-esteem. With this extra time why not try and strengthen existing and create new friendships too?
- Create new Experiences. Distract yourself! Try new hobbies or return to hobbies and things you did before your relationship, do something enjoyable that you can put your focus into. Or if you can go travelling, alone or with friends, explore and find new fun things to do and see. By escaping to a completely new place, you will not be constantly surrounded by memories you had with your ex and places you went to with them, like your favourite restaurant you both went together on your first date.
- Mute or block your ex from social media. Now it may sound harsh, but if you need some space and time to think, muting or blocking your ex can remove the temptation to see what and how your ex is doing. Also, it is important to try and set boundaries for yourself, if you want to reach out to your ex through text or social media, take a few weeks first to think, so when you do finally reach out to them it will be in a more calm and rational way.
- Volunteer and help others. According to a Harvard study on happiness, volunteering and helping others has proven to be a very effective way to boost your happiness. As volunteering can help give you a sense of purpose, improve your mood and also provide you with a way to meet like-minded people. If you can’t commit to becoming a volunteer, why not just try and do something nice for someone you appreciate – cook them a dinner, buy them some flowers or just let them know how much they mean to you.
- Try online dating. Once you feel ready of course! Online dating can be a great way to meet new people and you might even find yourself realising that there are more compatible people for you out there. Try not to rush and overwhelm yourself, try take it slow and just enjoy the process.